THE world of television was turned upside down yesterday evening when it was revealed that one of TV’s harshest critics has slated Noel Edmonds and his presenting style. The critic, who shall simply be referred to as “the critic” for legal reasons, hosted a dinner party yesterday evening which was attended by many famous faces in the TV industry. In a speech at the end of the dinner, the critic stated that Noel Edmonds, host of Channel 4’s hit teatime show Deal or No Deal, should be replaced "as soon as possible".

The critic said that Edmonds is "past his prime" and has "hair like a mouldy mop left out in the rain". He then made accusations that Edmonds is only hosting the show in order to generate enough interest to bring back Mr. Blobby, and also to convince the viewing public that his pink and yellow friend would be the "perfect candidate for replacing Gordon Brown as Prime Minister". Ahead of the G20 conference in London tomorrow, the critic also ranted about how he is concerned that Edmonds will gatecrash the conference, insisting that the world leaders take Mr. Blobby on as their economic adviser.

We managed to track down the floor manager of the hit show Deal or No Deal, 38-year-old Norman Banks, who gave his opinion on the TV critic’s rant about Noel. However, all he had to say on the subject was “Everyone look this way guys... that’s perfect, thanks”, and finished off by saying “5 seconds”. One of our reporters gained access to the Endemol West offices and approached one of the senior producers, 58-year-old Iris Barrington-Smythe, who said “Have you got what it takes to spank The Banker?”, before stating that she had to rush off to a meeting to discuss whether or not they could accept a contestant on the show who "has a rather bizarre love of chicken soup mixed with tea bags".

Towards the end of his speech, the critic made more accusations about Edmonds’ intentions, stating how his love of horses was soon going to be portrayed on Deal or No Deal. According to the critic, Edmonds is going to attend recordings "dressed as a horse". It is also claimed that Edmonds will insist that the show has special “Horse Weeks” entitled "Bale or Neigh Bale" with the £250,000 top prize being replaced by a new horse shoe, and the 1p being replaced by a sugar lump; with prizes in-between including a carrot, a bale of hay and a new coat.

Apparently the 22 players will wear horse masks, and Noel will constantly ask each one of them why they have such a long face, and inquire whether something is wrong "back at the stables". At the end of the speech, the critic shouted that "A horse could make a better job of the show than Noel Edmonds", before collapsing on the floor and being taken to hospital.

I note you didn't put any reference to the gambling ways of Edmonds, presumably because they weren't noticeable when you were in Bristol.

Ah! That explains the great big piles of manure I saw in the studios today!

Sorry H, but that was posted 56 minutes too early .

Funny all the same. All who feel for it - come on, confess now!

h2005

PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 00:04 Post subject: News article - TV critic: "horse could do better than Noel"

she had to rush off to a meeting to discuss whether or not they could accept a contestant on the show who "has a rather bizarre love of chicken soup mixed with tea bags".

I think you've forgotten to adjust your forum clock for BST!!