'We could not have wished for a better start,' says Patrick.

'Don't jinx it,' Ian bluntly replies to laughs. 'Box 20.' That's Jacqui, who looks very smart in a grey suit.

Box 20 - 10p!

The crowd are now going frankly bonkers.

'One more, and we'll have to spend our prize budget rebuilding this studio...'

'I'll go for 8' calls Ian. That's Zoja. She looks startled by the start - not that anyone else isn't.

Box 8 - £10,000

The crowd still cheer. Ian is still smiling.

'Even the long-overdue red was low. This is sensational...

...but for all we know, you could have just 50p in that box. And we're about to hear from someone who actually knows the truth...'

The phone rings. The manufacturer's name is made very clear to the cameras. This is ITV1, what do you expect?

Out of character announcement: Daniel is playing the Banker. He does indeed know what is in Ian's box. He is sending me the offer via MSN, and then I will post it.

'He's nervous, you know,' says Patrick regarding the Banker. 'This is unknown territory for both him and us, just as he was confident in his old lair...'

'He's straight in with the tricks. What was the last box you hit?'

'£10,000, Patrick.'

'There's your offer. £10,000.'

A slight ripple of applause.

'Any advice needed at this early stage?'

'Not really, no. I'd have to be terribly unlucky not to get bigger offers later. I'm ready.'

'£10,000... Deal or No Deal?'

'No Deal.'

A bit more of a cheer.

'Now, in this round, you have to open five.'

'And I'd like to start with Box 5, please.' That's Alex from Yorkshire, a somewhat overweight middle-aged man looking extremely dapper in a black suit.

Box 5 - £75,000

The first groans of the game. 'I had to hit a big number, and that's not a massive number. Not that this makes it any better, but I can deal with it.'

'You still have four sums bigger than that, including half a million pounds... that could still be yours.'

'That's why I can deal with it. 23 please.' That's Bill, a young-looking guy wearing a bright yellow round-neck shirt.

Box 23 - £50,000

'There's still four higher,' he says philosophically. 'But I'd better not touch them now. I'm sure that I'm cursing this, but Box 4.'

Fiona from Ulster has bright red hair so long it almost flows onto the box, and she's wearing a similarly-coloured corset. 'Fiona, Box 4, not one of the top four.'

Box 4 - £15,000

'Well what did you expect?' cries Patrick, half-jokingly. 'She's wearing red, she's got so much red hair, it HAD TO BE RED!'

'Do you seriously understand this game?' replies Ian with semi-serious indignation. 'She just opens her box and it could have anything in it!'

Patrick is stunned into silence.

'We're going to have to take this outside. Join us after the break.'

There is no phone-in competition, due to tighter regulations introduced in 2007.

When the show returns after an adbreak lasting almost five minutes, Ian chooses Box 1. Alice has a strikingly elfin look about her and could pass for a young teenager.

Box 1 - £750

'I needed that, I'll admit.'

'One more, and then the call.'

'Box 16, please. I'm drawn to Geoffrey.' With his... colourful knitted jumper, most people would probably be drawn away from him.

Box 16 - £1,000

'It's all looking good, but we don't know what's in here...' Patrick taps Box 10, and right on cue the Banker rings.

'...and he does.'

'Four reds and one blue is never a good round, you say? Look at the board, it's still very strong.'

'Oh, OK, if you insist.'

Patrick hangs up.

'Make of this what you will,' he informs Ian.

'The offer is now £16,500.'

'If you go on, you'll have to open four more boxes. You could take out the entire block now.'

'But I won't,' Ian replies instantly. 'And if I am, it's because I'm totally cursed. I'm ready.'

'£16,500... Deal or No Deal?'

'No Deal.'

'Now, four boxes to open, and four boxes to avoid. Your first selection please.'

'Box 9, please.' That's Quentin, who's built like the proverbial brick outhouse. Patrick picks up on this - 'I'm a builder. It's hard work you know, tougher than this game show lark.'

'Oooooh, well in that case you could host the show then!' replies Patrick.

'Er, you're paid to do that, Patrick. My money will come when I play.'

Patrick is now looking a bit annoyed. 'WILL YOU JUST OPEN THE BOX!'

Box 9 - £300,000