'Oh, now we're REALLY motoring!'

'Onwards and upwards I guess... Zoja, 14.'

'I hope this is a lovely low one too, like Pawel's.'

Box 14 - £30,000

'Oooh.. not lovely and low, but not fatal either... one more, and then another call.'

'25, please. And you forgot to cry 'BOOYEAH!' at 26, so can we do it for the next-highest instead?'

'It doesn't work then!'

'Well, you fool, you shoulda done it for 26!'

'Oh, CAITLIN, OPEN THE BOX!'

Box 25 - £200,000

'BOO!' the crowd cry. How they forgot the 'BOOYEAH!' call is unclear.

'There's still an awful lot of money there... and we all know who's coughing up...'

'Yes, hello. I know you're starting to breathe easier now, so speak up.' Laughter.

'Oh, OK.'

'His hearing's gone. He only heard 'up'. So he's gone up with the offer... by a pound. £9,901.'



'It wasn't worth it the first time, and I still think there should be more coming,' Fiona replies.

'I agree, but don't be naive and assume he'll always go up or you'll get burned,' cautions Donald.

'I'm ready. '£9,901... Deal or No Deal?' 'No Deal.'

'And I'll go with 12 and Oliver please.'

Box 12 - £300

'I think we can say that £200,000 is just a blip now,' Fiona says.

'We need to make sure it was indeed just that, and avoid anything else big in the next three boxes.'

'7 please, Moirrey.'

Box 7 - £10,000

'That's fine, that's fine,' says Fiona. 'I think it's more than fine, it's very good!' Patrick replies, displaying a touch of the dismissal of low reds that was the preserve of Noel during 2006 and 2007. 'Halfway there, with thirteen boxes opened and thirteen remaining, and you've only touched one of the top five...'

'Ben, 19.'

Box 19 - £5

Fiona does a little dance. 'One more... and then we can get properly excited.'

'16 please, my fellow countryman Brian.' 'It's clear you have the luck of the Irish... hope it doesn't stop now...'

Box 16 - £1,000

'That'll do nicely!' says Fiona, who goes to give Brian a hug. 'Very welcome', Brian replies. Patrick starts hyping up the board: 'Four of the top five... STILL in play... this is amazing!'



'The Banker is scared... he's really... ah, there he goes! I thought he'd gone!'

'Hello! I thought you'd run away! Oh, you nearly did?'

'Awwwwwww noooooo! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!' Patrick slams the phone down.

'He's mad, he can't bear to carry on for a moment longer... so he's going to make the offer tomorrow once he's calmed down.'

A big groan.

'Join us next time on Deal or No Deal... I, for one, can't wait! Tomorrow at 6, ITV1! Until then, goodbye!'

Episode 3: Wednesday 3rd September 2006

'Previously on Deal or No Deal...' Cue footage of Jacqui Dealing at £40,000, the hypothetical offers of £80,000 and £140,000 and the final confirmation her box had £20,000. Cue the introduction, and cue Patrick.

'Hello everyone!' cries Patrick. 'I'm feeling good tonight! Are you?'

'Yes,' the audience chant dutifully.

'Now, we left yesterday's show with Fiona, who has four of the top five still in play, and a one-in-eleven chance her box contains a massive £500,000... and we were waiting for the Banker to make her an offer as he couldn't bear to go on last night...'

Right on cue, the Banker rings.

'I presume he's ready tonight...'

'Hello? Oh good, I was quite annoyed last night.

...not as much as you? Well that's just tough.

Fine, if you say so.' Patrick hangs up.

'Right, this is episode 3, it's the third day of the week, the third day of the month, and it's offer 3, so he's tripled the last offer. £29,703.'

A few bemused looks in the cheering audience and wings.

'Donald, did you see that coming?'

'I can't say I did, and I must say it's definitely worth going on. There's over a million pounds left on this board, average about three times the offer, so even losing one of the top two would not be fatal and there's no reason to Deal here.'

'Well, I can't argue with the wise one, can I?' Fiona jokes. 'Seriously, this is too good a position to stop.'

'O-kay then! I'll need to ask the question anyway...' 'Sure.' '£29,703, Deal or No Deal?' 'No Deal!'

'And, fittingly, it's three to go!'

'Unfortunately, I've picked box 3, and 23, and 13... I'll have to go for...'

Donald raises his hand. '3 squared, Box 9?'

'Yeah, why not. Terry, Box 9.'

Box 9 - £50

'Thank you Terry, thank you Donald!' Fiona calls out, turning her head - and others, in the slinky red dress she's wearing - around the wings. '10 please, Geoffrey.'

Box 10 - £500,000

Big groan. 'It's not over,' Donald reassures her. 'I suppose not,' Fiona replies. 'Box 5, Quentin.'

'Suddenly, the game looks quite a lot weaker. It will start to look an awful lot weaker if this is £300,000... Quentin, open Box 5 and don't scare either Fiona OR ME!'

Box 5 - £100,000