Welcome to another game of...

DEAL OR NO DEAL.

Today's player: Knuckles! He has box two with us today. Knuckles is a rat, who made his escape from the sewers of London, and now resides inside Waitrose in Oxford Street. Knuckles has a son named Django, who is only 3 years old. He is a single father (the mother prefers to stay in the sewers). He has a photo:
Him and his son enjoying some moldy peas thrown in the waste.

Noel: So how did you obtain such a nickname?
Knuckles: I was the top rat. I was a fighter then, before my son was born. After that, I mellowed out, you know, but my nickname stayed. I still have my lucky knuckle, so watch out!
Noel: Now, let's get this show on the road! Let's find out your joke prizes:

Joke Prize 1: Plastic Cup - anything to hold those moldy peas in.
Joke Prize 2: Turtle Paperweight. - It has a nice green blue pattern too.
Joke Prize 3: Waterloo Road Series 5 Spring Term DVD. - Hours of entertainment and outlandish plots!

And presenting your special squares:
Cookie Monster, Killersbee Sting, and Power of h2005! Ooh... been a while since we last saw that one...

Knuckles: Nice stuff! However, I have a system {Editor note: using random.org for this!}
My first number is: 29 - Heidi please!
Heidi: Good luck Knuckles.
29 - Heidi - £10,000,000!!
Knuckles: Well... that could've been better! Next on my list is 7. Good old Hal, great friend there!
Hal: Knuckles, you're an awesome little rat. I hope this will balance out that £10,000,000 going:

7 - Hal - £5!
Knuckles: Thanks Hal, you're a mate. Now, let's see. 20 please, Joel!
Joel: Good luck Knuckles!

20 - Joel - £5,000!
Knuckles: Pretty good! Next on the list is 17 please, little Ainsi.
Ainsi: This is going to be the 20p. I promise you.

17 - Ainsi - 20p!!
Noel: Do you realise what this means, Knuckles?
Knuckles: Uh... no...
Noel: You've just activated the matthew17 punch! £1 is now going to turn into £1,700,000!
Knuckles: Oh my god! That's just freakin' fantastic! Thank you so much Ainsi, now you get 17 kisses.
Ainsi: Uh... OK!

Knuckles: That was great. 12 is on my list next. Jim, come on, give me a killersbee sting!
Jim: Nah, I think there's the £2 in my box.

12 - Jim - KILLERSBEE STING!
Noel: You are doing an absolutely fantastic job of balancing that £10,000,000 in the first box. If you can get a Cookie Monster and the h2005, you are producing one of the strongest games this season!
£1,250 and £2,500 turn to £1,250,000 and £2,500,000.

Knuckles: And to finish off this round, my list says 1. Sonic, my little mouse friend! Tooo bad everyone thinks you're a hedgehog...
Sonic: You've been an amazing neighbour these past 30 games. I hope this is great, because you deserve millions, mate.

1 - Sonic - Plastic Cup! Great!
Noel: Great first round there.

*BANKER CALLS*
Stupid, stupid special squares. I hate you all, this game, and everything except me and my money. Screw you all. I hope random.org fails on this labrat.


Knuckles: The game doesn't start till 11-box. Ask me the question Noel.

Noel: £145,000... Deal... or No Deal?

Knuckles: No Deal.

Baaaaaa dum.

Round 2.

Noel: I think everyone going to use random.org after you now, this is working a charm!
Knuckles: Yeah I know. I've placed a patent already, to prevent everyone from doing that. Hehe. Next on my list, 26 please. Hawley, you're good at maths!

Hawley: It's not you, it's the I.A, silly you.
26 - Hawley - £5,000,000!
Knuckles: It's OK Hawley. With all the millions on the board we can kind of lose that... On my list is now... 11. Our newbie today. Sylvester.

Noel: Welcome to the game, Sylvester! A european wildcat. What's the difference anyway?
Sylvester: We wildcats are men. Unlike domestic cats!
Sinta: Excuse me?
Sylvester: You don't have to hunt, you. You've got Sainsbury's basics cat food anytime!
Sinta: I'm actually a champion mouser, you know. And also, Sylvester, I don't settle for Sainsbury's Basics - I refuse anything lesser than Gourmet Diamond food.
Sylvester: Nice! Sounds tasty!



Knuckles: Let's see it then, and refrain from hunting me, if you have to, Sylvester!
Sylvester: Good luck Knux!

11 - Sylvester - £250!
Knuckles: Thanks a lot! Now, we have the number below - 10.

10 - Luke - £2!
Knuckles: Absolute perfection. Thanks Luke!
Luke: Anytime mate!
Knuckles: The subsequent number (nice choice of word there!) is... Stephen! Number 15.
Stephen: I am not a number, I'm a duck.

15 - Stephen - £100,000!
Noel: Passable, passable... let's see if you can improve this board further with the last box of round 2.
Knuckles: Which is... 19. Oh god...
Methanol: Oh god yes! Can't wait to kill this pathetic game! Bad luck, Knuckles.

19 - Methanol - £1,250,000!
Methanol: Happy with that! Nice!
Knuckles: Too bad Methanol! You're not beaten yet!

*BANKER CALLS*
I'm really starting to warm to Methanol. He's like my long lost son! No friends except money, unsociable, and pure evil! Remind me to award him 19p extra at his game.



Knuckles: A bit iffy. But I am ready for the question...

Noel: £255,552... Deal, or No Deal?
Knuckles: NO DEAL!

Round 3.

Knuckles: Let's see. 25, Porcupe.
Noel: Porcupe - You're holding what could be a very important box. The pilgrims, the players, (except Methanol) and mostly Knuckles, know what we want to see in your box.
Porcupe: I know exactly. And I hope I do have it...

25 - Porcupe - Cookie Monster! No! No! No! Huge groans from the studio.
Knuckles: Aww shoot, would have loved to have that... but I'm so greatful for that killersbee sting... Let's not worry too much about it and pick 24.

24 - Goombario - Turtle Paperweight!
Noel: Absolutely perfect, since we got rid of the cookie monster without activating it!
Knuckles: Now, let's see what the future holds with... Derek!
Derek: Good luck mate. This is going to be good...
Methanol: Yeah right.

16 - Derek - £250,000!
Knuckles: Once again - pretty good! Not great, but I guess we can sacrifice that... Let's finish the round with... NICK.
Nick: Goodluck

28 - Nick - NOELSFAN! Oh deary me...
Knuckles: I guess you win some... you lose some... Don't worry Nick, with those millions I still have...

*BANKER CALLS*
My favorite things. Stings in the tails of dirty rats like Knuckles. And thanks to Nick, I can reduce this offer, hehe.



Knuckles: I'm not wasting any time with this douche, Ask me the question.
Noel: £222,000... DEAL, or NO DEAL?

Knuckles: NO DEAL!

Round 4.

Noel: I hope you realise... that the nightmare round will strip you off any chances to become a millionaire.
Knuckles: Yeah whatever. I'm sure Hawley will enjoy working that out...
Hawley: I would... but I won't this time.
Knuckles: Shame... I'll go for 6... Mr. Limez please!
Limez: Good luck...

6 - Limez - £76,923!]
Knuckles: Great, that's great. Next... I'll go for... the lovely Sinta.
Sinta: Good thing I'm controlling myself. I've seen Sylvester looking at you... in an 'I'm-going-to-enjoy-eating-you' type way.
Sylvester: Shut up Sinta, you silly cat you. I'm here to enjoy gameplay, not rat steak! Even... Never mind.

23 - Sinta - £1,700,000! Shame...
Knuckles: I guess we can live with that... Next... little Dewey, please.
Dewey: I wish you the greatest of luck, dude.

9 - Dewey - £2,500,000!!
Noel: Good thing you have two of those!
*KNUCKLES LAUGHS*
Knuckles: Yeah... My last box is... Crocobot!

4 - Crocobot - £750,000!

Noel: Knuckles, I'll be blunt. That wasn't a very good round at all. You've got to be careful.

*BANKER CALLS*
Where's the popcorn? I can't wait to see "The crying fest after the £2,500,000, £1,000,000 and £500,000 have been revealed". Fellow bankers haven't recommended it to me enough.



Knuckles: What the banker knows that... I'm a stubborn little rat. I know I'm going to make this board amazing circa two rounds have passed.

*BANKER CALLS*
You're going to eat those words, Knuckles. My extra-extra-extra-super size sachet of popcorn has arrived. It holds 7kg of the stuff you know...

Knuckles: I'm not wasting my time. Ask me the question Noelsy...
Noel: £99,000... Deal... or No Deal...

Knuckles: NO DEAL!

Round 5

Knuckles: This system is destined to work. Coco Pops, wreck the blue side of the board.
Coco Pops: Yes Sir!

13 - Coco Pops - £10,000! Claps from the pilgrims.
Knuckles: Good start there... let's keep this on a roll. 14, the lovely Olga's holding you, and I'd appreciate it if she opened it, revealing £15!
Olga: I hope that was a psychic remark! Good luck!

14 - Olga - £500!! Huge applause from the pilgrims!
Knuckles: Hey... Mr. Banker! My words haven't arrived yet! Maybe they haven't started cooking them yet!
*BANKER CALLS*
Not so fast Knuckles... I'm not making you another offer until you open two boxes! For that cheek, you deserve that!

*EDITOR NOTE: This means that the next round will have 2 box openings only.*

Knuckles: Oh drat... let's make things quick then. Eugeno please.

3 - Eugeno - £1,000,000!!
Knuckles: Well... there's still the £2,500,000... and it's not in box 18, so open it, George!
George: I have this feeling that it is...
Knuckles: Keep your pessimism out of this!

18 - George - Waterloo Road DVD Set!
Knuckles gives George a Hi-5.

*BANKER CALLS*
Ah god... that plan backfired. Shoot...



Noel: That, Knuckles, is a good offer.
Knuckles: I realise that. I appreciate that. But with two boxes to open, I'm sure there's very little chance to take both two out...
Noel: That is right, but you can take the £292,000 out.
Knuckles: Noel, I'm definitely ready for the question...
Noel: Alright then. £292,000... Deal... or No Deal?

Knuckles: NO DEAL!

Round 6 - Two boxes!

Knuckles: I'm confident about this round... let's see what's in... box... 8 please - Troy.

8 - Troy - Power of h2005!
Noel: Well seems that it wasn't in the right box. The good news is, you're guaranteed £500,000 in the final 5.
Knuckles: Yeah. I'm going for... 22. Freeze, please.
Freeze: I wish you the very best of luck...

22 - Freeze - £15!! Loads of cheers from the studio!

*BANKER CALLS*
I'm giving you a choice, here son. Now, here's what I'm offering you. You can ask for an offer now... Or you can open one more box to see if you can get a better offer. You up for it?

Knuckles: I'm opening one more box! Let's not waste time here!
Mutya: I'm scared... I don't want to watch this... You should have dealt the £292,000!
Knuckles: Too bad, because you're opening this pivotal box!

21 - Mutya - £2,500,000!
Knuckles: It's fine... it's fine.
(Psst... he's got tears in his eyes.)

*BANKER CALLS*
Yes... I love it when those twists work! Yes! Yes! Fantastic!


Noel: Ouch. That's your lowest offer so far.
Knuckles: I know, I know... and I'm not defeated yet. I'm sure I've got the £500,000...

*BANKER CALLS*
Haha... if you didn't open another box, the offer would have been £468,000! Too bad now!
Knuckles: Well... I'm going to beat this idiot. Ask me the question NOW:
Noel: OK... OK... £70,000... Deal... or No Deal?

Knuckles:












NO DEAL!

Round 7.

Noel: The good news is... you only have 2 boxes to open.
Knuckles: Yeah...
Noel: I can see the determination you have to spank the banker. Did that gamble pay off? Knuckles, pick your first box.
Knuckles: Uh... 5 please.

Noel: Lemono, we know exactly what we don't want to see. Give us a blue...

5 - Lemono - £25!
Knuckles punches his fist in the air. "YES! YES!"

Noel: Now don't celebrate just yet, Knuckles... you have one more box to open... It's 27, or 30.

*HEARTBEAT MUSIC PLAYS*

Knuckles: *deep heavy breaths* My next number is... 30. But there's no pressure, so don't worry! I'm perfectly happy whatever the outcome.
Toonie: Good luck. I really hope this is a blue...
Knuckles: I hope it is too! Pilgrims, don't say any blue chants... don't fix this!

30 - Toonie - £100!!
Knuckles: YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! OH MY GOD, YES!

Noel: Well... it certainly paid off then!

*BANKER CALLS*
Ratty, you'd better take this, my friend... I'd hate to see you not spank me... NOT!



Knuckles: Wow... that's a lot of money.
Noel: It sure is Knuckles.
Knuckles: But that £500,000 is haunting me, you see... It's like... it's in my box right on the table.
Noel: Yes. But think who this money is for.
Knuckles: I'm perfectly happy with £50, and besides, We have our sustenance ready for us. I just came here for some dosh really... and I probably don't deserve to win much.
Sonic: You deserve £10,000,000... for being such a great guy. Honestly.
Knuckles: Thanks... Sonic... I think I'm ready for the question.

Noel: £187,500... DEAL... OR NO DEAL?

Knuckles:






































NO DEAL!

Noel: Should you have taken that? We're going to find out right...
*BANKER CALLS*
I love interuppting. And also, I forgot to offer the swap.
Noel: He's offering you the swap.
Knuckles: I'm passionate about the 500k being in my box. Ask me the question.
Noel: Swap... or No Swap?

Knuckles:






NO SWAP.

Noel pulls the seal on box 2...









































Noel: I really hope you've won £500,000. You really deserve this... Knuckles. I really hope this is it. Everyone here wants you to win big.

















Noel lifts the lid...



















































£500,000!!

Knuckles: No... no way I've won £500,000! No way!
Noel: You've got to see it to believe it!
Knuckles: Oh my god... I spanked the banker, and I've made so many friends here. I've really enjoyed my time here and... I love you all.

Noel: Uh, yes. Sharkey, finish the game for us...
Sharkey: Urgh... I hate being picked last...

27 - Sharkey - £50!

Noel: I sincerely hope that you'll make the most of that £500,000, and I hope your son will be happy with that!
Knuckles: I'm sure he will!

Knuckles wins £500,000!!