It's time for a new episode of...

DEAL OR NO DEAL!

Today we have... George. He is a ferret from London. He is 38 years old. He is quite quiet and has brought nothing of souvenir to the table. He has no-one in the audience today.
Noel: So, George, why did you apply for the show?
George: Just wanted... a bit of money... I guess.
Noel: You have a great opportunity today, since you can win up to a hefty £10,000,000! Are you feeling confident today?
George: Yes. I intend to get £350,000 out of this game.
Noel: Any reason why?
George: It’s just that, I’d just like... you know, have a bit of cash really.

He has box 18 with us today.

Noel: Now George, let's see what your joke prizes are today...
Joke Prizes: Rubber Duck, a Bismuth Crystal and 50kg Dumbbell! Fantastic!
Now... the Special Squares: Cookie Monster, Aaron Brock's Mystery Chance, and Super-Shifter!

Noel: Not a bad roster there! With such a configuration, you’ll be really happy if it works out! Now, let's start the game, George. Pick your first box.

George: 4.
Crocobot: Good luck George.

4 - Crocobot - £750! Not a bad start!
George: 1 please.
Sonic: I hope this is the 1p for you mate!

1 - Sonic - Aaron Brock's Mystery Chance! FANTASTIC SON!
Noel: For the first time this series, the Mystery Chance has finally been activated!

Noel: Now... what I want you to do is to pick a number from 1-28:
George: 6 please...
Noel: The amount that is changing is... 50kg Dumbbell! And it changes to...

£11,192,839!
Huge claps from the studio!

George: I’d like to go for... 8 please, Troy. Thanks.

8 - Troy - £5!
Noel: This is absolutely fantastic! Dare to continue the run, George?
George: That would be great, thanks. I’ll go for unlucky 13 now please.

13 - Coco Pops - 1p!

Noel: Oh my word... the banker is going to hate you.
George: Oh well, that’s fine. 26 please, Hawley.

26 - Hawley - £500!

George: 21 please.
Mutya: Good luck George, I hope it’s a blue.
21 - Mutya - £1! Wow.

Noel: Now that is a first round as I ever saw one. Technically we can say that it’s an all blue round, even with the mystery chance.

*BANKER CALLS*
What the hell! This isn’t going to be my day is it. George, please refrain from being a friend-stealer will you?
I’m pretty certain this game will crash though. And I can’t wait!


George: That is an absolutely fantastic offer, but ask me the question, Noel.
Noel: £200,000... DEAL... OR NO DEAL?
George: NO DEAL.

Round 2

Noel: George, how are you feeling?
George: All right... I suppose.
Noel: Great... do you think we can continue this feat of good luck?
George: It’s a possibility... 14 please.

14 – Olga – £500,000!
Noel: That’s our first hit. Don’t let it bother you though!
George: I won’t, Noel. I’d like to go for... excuse me? I don’t recognise you...
F: Me?
Noel: F! Welcome to the game!
F: Uh... yes?
Noel: Will you kindly open box 2 please?
F: Uh... OK

2 – F – £50!

George punches his fist in the air.
George: COME ON. I'll go for Sylvester please.
Sylvester: If this is the £2... I'm going to kiss Sinta twice.
Sinta: Oh dear...

11 - Sylvester - £2!
Sylvester: I made that promise, so I guess I'll have to carry it out, Sinta.
Sinta: Oh dear. Someone save me from this predicament...
The pilgrims all let out a huge 'Ooooooh'!



George: OK then, I'll go for Mathanol.
Methanol: Say my name right, for god's sake. Do you mind? You're all idiots.

19 - Methanol - £5,000! Fantastic!
George: Yeah that's good.

29 - Heidi - £100,000!
George: That's fine.

*BANKER CALLS*
I'm loving how George is so passive about how strong his game is. I'm soo going to use that to my advantage, hehe.

*after 15 minutes*
Noel: This is a good offer, and a fantastic sum of money there, George.
George: OK... I'm ready for the question.
Noel: £475,000... DEAL... OR NO DEAL?

George: No Deal.

Round 3.

George: 17, please.
Ainsi, good luck... George.

17 - Ainsi - £71,500. Not too bad!
Huge claps from the studio.

George: Let's go for 7.

7 - Hal - £3,000!
Noel: This is shaping up to be one of the strongest games in the history of DOND! Pick another box!

George: Let's see, Lemono please.

5 - Lemono - £100! Great stuff there!

Noel: Just one more box. If you can get a blue, this is going to be just fantastic.

George: 27 please.
Sharkey: Best of luck mate... and Noel, could you just raise the temparature of the tank by 0.2 degrees? That would be super.
Noel: Whatever...

27 - Sharkey - Bismuth Crystal!
Noel: It's pink, it's pink!

*BANKER CALLS*
No mucking about, haha.


George: Ask me the question Noel.
Noel: £625,000... DEAL, or NO DEAL?
George: People are going to think I'm crackers, but I'm dealin'.

Footnote, unlike the others, this game is planned.

Round 4.

Noel: That definitely was a personal decision, but could you have had more? You've got to wreck this game.
All the players have surprised looks on their faces.

Toonie: There was at least one... no two more rounds left in there after quitting...

George: 3 please Eugeno, let's have it in here son.
Noel: Eugeno, we really need this to be the 10 million...

3 - Eugeno - £750,000!
Noel: POSSIBLY not good enough...
George pulls a smug face.

George: 20.

20 - Joel - Rubber Duck! NO NO NO!
Noel: NO! DISASTER! You have got to find both the £11,192,839 AND the £10,000,000... you've got two amounts in two boxes.
Hawley: I'm just so *beep*ing shocked that he took it! It's mathematically idiotic to take that deal, and the chances that he takes those two in the next to boxes... let's just say you've got a better chance of... (STATSMEN HELP ME OUT HERE...)
Methanol: Hah... that's the most intelligent thing someone's said in my entire tenure here. What a pilloc.
Sylvester: Oh dear...

George: 28 please, Nick.

28 - Nick - £250,000!
Noel: NO NO NO!
George pulls another smug face.

George: 30 please, Toonie.

30 - Toonie - £15!

*BANKER CALLS*
Sr Wilson will be so proud of you. I've organised a person-to-ferret date with you. 29th September. You up for it?
Noel: I could see the tears in your eyes when you dealt at £625,000. You thought it was the right decision... didn't you. I'm afraid it wasn't... you would have had...

*That's supposed to say proveout*

Noel: You would have had more than twice as much. Well... if we wreck the game next round (which probably isn't going to lower the offer much)... here's hoping Richard.

Round 5.

Noel: You have to find all three in three boxes if you want to get out of this petrified forest.

George: 24... Goombario. Let's have it in here please.

24 - Goombario - £2,500,000!
Noel: Amazingly, that's not good at all!

George: Uh... 16.

Noel: Derek... we know exactly what we want to see! There's not a single person in the dream factory that doesn't want it to be one of the big three.

16 - Derek - £15!
Noel: NO! NO! NO! DISASTER! ABSOLUTE DISASTER!

George: Uhmmm *I hope I've made the right decision! Don't worry... I have... I think...* 22
Freeze: Bad deal... but hope it is one of the bigguns...

22 - Freeze - £10,000!

Noel: George... the banker is going to be very pleased.
*BANKER CALLS*
Indeed I am. Endemol, from now on, please accept only people like George. We seriously need more people like him, and DOND and the rest of the world would be a better place.


Noel: George... ... ... ... £2,900,000.

Huge gasps from the studio.

Round 6.

George: Come on Dewey please.

9 - Dewey - £250! NO NO NO NO NO!
Noel: And to have... technically... 7 reds at this point... Unparallel.
Methanol: You really are a greedy cheap sod you...

George: Ur... Limez, 6 come on...

6 - Limez - £5,000,000!
Noel: That actually... would have been perfectly fine... and wouldn't be a huge loss at all! One more box George! Let the nightmare end...

George: Porcupe please...

25 - Porcupe - Super-Shifter!
Noel: And thank GOODNESS that this wasn't in the right box, or this nightmare would have just taken a turn for the worse.

*BANKER CALLS - NO NONSENSE*

Noel: Suddenly... the sum you dealt at... now seems so small.

Round 7.

Noel: If you do have the cookie monster inside the box... worth £20,000... then it would make you feel soo much better...

12 - Jim - COOKIE MONSTER!
NO NO NON ON ON ON ON ON O NO NO N ON ON ON.

23 - Sinta - £1,000,000!
Noel: Not good enough! You have just produced the stronged finish ever. FIND the £11,192,839!

15 - Stephen - £11,192,839
Noel: You finally found it... but too little, too late.

*BANKER CALLS*



Noel: I'm going to make this quick. You've blown the dream finish... but did you blow the top prize?

Noel lifts the lid on box 18...
































































































£10,000,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow.

Noel: Luke... finish the game...

10 - Luke - NOELSFAN! Worth £7,962,624.

I'm bored.