Hello again, folksies, and welcome to Deal or No Deal.

The object of the game is to open boxes and listen to Noel whatever has to say.

So on we go!

Noel: Yesterday(year) was quite a sad little game for Freeze. His game was so unsolid and he kept getting reds... and he almost ended up with a My Little Pony DVD. And no, he was not a brony. He managed to salvage just £100 out of a very unlucky game. Hopefully our next player will be able to win big, and hopefully Lady Luck will be on his side... because... today's player is...

...Stephen! Take the walk of riches!

Stephen looks pretty unsurprised.

Stephen: I knew it was going to be me.
Noel: Whoa... psychic much...?
Stephen: That's why they call me Psyduck...
Noel: Stephen... if you're psychic... then we're going to have to ask you to leave. I mean... you'll easily know where the big money is... and not on behalf of me, on behalf of Endemol...
Stephen: Relax, Noel. It was a joke.

Noel: So, Stephen. 19 years old, doing Mechanical Engineering at Imperial College! Boy, you're a smart one, aren't you!
Stephen: Yeah... haha. Second year student. That's where *beep* gets serious. I mean... I had to give up clubbing everyday just to get my head round circular motion of a particle... in the first year. I think I'm going to be a hermit at uni from now on... with a lifetime supply of Maltesers™!
Noel: I wouldn't know how you feel... I mean I rejected an offer from Oxford for literature!
Stephen: LITERATURE... EWWW! I dropped Eng Lit after I scraped an E in the exam! I hate that stuff!
Noel: Well... sorry. So, do you have any people in the audience supporting you?
Stephen: Yes indeedy! There's my roommates... Olivier and Harrison... we go on gaming all nighters... or clubbing. If it wasn't for them I would go insane!
Noel: Yo! And do you have any photos, Stephen?
Stephen: Why yes, I do. Here you are!
Noel: Uh... that's... a nice photo... What is going on there?
Stephen: Hehe.... that's Juliana, the Mech Eng hottie. Seriously... everyone fancies her at the department. And the other ducks are Harrison, Olivier and Zain (He isn't here in the audience because he's too busy playing WoW...)

Noel: Disturbing photo aside, let's get on with the game! First, let's see the joke prizes...

Joke Prize 1 - Zone 1-6 Travelcard - Every Imperial student knows that the tube is bloody expensive. This will be a big help to you, Stephen.
Joke Prize 2 - 48-Pack Fosters - 48 cans... You could make a pyramid.
Joke Prize 3 - Mechanics for Dummies - The section on damped and forced harmonic motion is perfectly written.

And now... for our special squares: Cookie Monster, Killersbee Sting and the Daniel123 Cargayuki.

So Stephen... let's play... DEAL OR NO DEAL!

Round one.

Stephen: OK. I don't have a system, so I'm choosing them randomly.
Methanol: Nice logic, dumbass.
Stephen: Urgh... I was counting the minutes before Methanol would make a wise crack Anyways, my first box will be fantastic Mr. Fox. 18, Friskie please.

Noel: Got any haiku's for us, Friskie?
Friskie: Uh... let me make one on the spot, hehe. Stephen, student duck. I hope this box helps you lots, inside is 1p.
Noel: Wait... the last line had six syllables.
Stephen: I think you're getting senile, Noel. Pretty sure it was five.
Friskie: Oh thanks a lot Noel, doubting my haikus! I don't know why I even bother!

18 - Friskie - £1,000!
Stephen: Pretty good start! Thanks, Friskie. Now, we're going for Toonie.

Noel: Toonie! A snapping turtle. What do you lady snappers do?
Toonie: Well... we snap... that's about it. Snap snap snap snap snap.

30 - Toonie - £2!
Stephen: As Mr. Burns would say: Excellent. Next, I'm going to call on my mate and neighbour Derek. Derek, let's continue this all blue round, shall we?
Derek: Yeah, let's do.

16 - Derek - Cookie Monster!
Stephen: Don't tell me Noel... I didn't get the cookie monster. SO TOTALLY DISAPPOINTED!
Noel: Uh, yeah. 16 isn't a prime number, so you do not get to reap its adv...
Stephen: I know, I know! No need to rub it in.
Hawley: Pffft! Everyone knows 16 isn't a prime number! Heck, I was in my mother's womb and I knew that even 91 wasn't a prime number!
Lemono: It isn't???
Hawley: What? Of course it isn't! 7x13! Even a maggot would know that! Good grief!
Lemono: Uh... yeah. What have I done with my life.
Hawley: And also, 247 isn't either.
Methanol: Hawley..., shut up.
Hawley: Coming from you! This guy probably thinks that 4 is a prime number. Obviously Methanol here is a lower life form...

Noel: Removing the numbers... you're the first person to really silence Methanol. I like you even more.

Stephen: Well... back to _my_ game, let's pick Troy.

Troy: Yo Steve... Aeronautical Engineer student here. 4th year.
Stephen: Awesome, which uni?
Troy: Why Cambridge of course.
Stephen: Alright... no need to brag. Just open the box.

8 - Troy - Travelcard!
Noel: Perfect timing, since we just got rid of the Cookie Monster without activating it!
Stephen: Ooh... this is interesting. Coco Pops! 10p please!

Coco Pops: Uh... a good 600g packet of Coco Pops will cost you a good £2.19... oh wait... hehe... sorry.

13 - Coco Pops - Killersbee Sting!
Stephen: Yes, Noel, 13 is not a multiple of 4, so the Killersbee Sting hasn't been activated.
Noel: Yes, Stephen. 13 is not in the 4 times tables, and leaves a remainder 1 when divided by four, so no.
Stephen: Thanks, Noel.
Hawley: You could simply say that the modulus of dividing 13 by 4 is 1. Much more mathematical.
Methanol: Dude, no one cares what you
Hawley: He probably thinks that 12 is prime too.
Methanol: I'll shut up now...

Noel: Last box! What will it be?
Stephen: Eugeno!

Eugeno: Croak. Hope it's the 10p.

3 - Eugeno - 10p!
Eugeno: Well that's a good first round if I ever saw one!

Stephen: Wow! Amazing! Thanks, Eugeno!

Noel: Yes, this is excellent stuff Stephen.

*BANKER CALLS*
Is this a boiled baba nightmare or what? 10p in the first round! Holy cruddy pancakes.
Noel: Oh hai, Mr. Banker. Nice to see that you're not watching the Great British Bake-Off for once.
No, it's a Monday. The bake-off is on Tuesdays. But... I missed episode 4... and I haven't caught up. Excuse me...
Noel: Get your arse off the TV and look at the board. Or else.


Noel: Well, Stephen. A great board... so a high offer. The Banker's just being stingy and doesn't like to offer £200,000 at 24-box. Please do forgive him.
Stephen: Well I do need advice.

Disgruntled Pilgrim: OH COME ON! WHY WOULD YOU NEED ADVICE ON THE FIRST OFFER! THESE CONTESTANTS ARE JUST STUPID AND ANNOYING!

Stephen: Uh... scratch that, let's get on, ask me the question...

Noel: £199,999.99... Deal... or No Deal?

Stephen: It's an easy NO DEAL!

Round Two.

Stephen: Well guys... double curse. The curse of the newbie and the death box.

Noel: Well... well Novak, welcome to the game!
Novak: Delighted to be here! Chem student at Imperial, ready to kick Mech-Eng arse at... Squash. And... standing next to this pretty kitty here.
Sinta: Heehee.
Sylvester: Hey! Stop hitting on my girlfriend!
Sinta: Girlfriend? Where did you get this out-of-this-world idea that I was your girlfriend? Dream on, Sylvester.
Novak: Say Sinta... do you take part in mousing competitions?
Sinta: Why yes! Champion mouser 4 years running, Junior champion mouser for 9 years. You?
Novak: Oh yes... 44 mice in an hour. That was a fun final... the other guy took a measly 6... I was gonna take all 50 but... let him have a piece of the cake.

Sylvester: DON'T LET ME COME TO YOUR WING, NOVAK.
Methanol: Enough with the stupid chirpsing, you stupid cats. God why did I apply to this game...?
Noel: Precisely what I was asking.
Novak: Methanol... if we drink enough of you, you go blind. I get blind and deaf just hearing you speak.

Oooooh.

Disgruntled Pilgrim: OH FOR *beep*'S SAKE! WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET TO THE BOX OPENING! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS STUPID BANTER! JUST GET ON WITH IT!

Noel: Okay... okay... open the box quickly then...

22 - Novak - £500,000!
Stephen: Our first hit... but I won't let that bother me. On we go. 29. Heidi, please.

Heidi: Good cluck, Steve.
Noel: I know hens usually make bad puns, Heidi... but that was just putrid.
Heidi: Well Noel... they love my puns at the henhouse.
Noel: Says it all really

29 - Heidi - £10! Excellent.

Stephen: I'll go for... Yneza, please! Yneza... give us the pound.

Noel: Too hot for you, Yneza...?
Yneza: Good god, yes! It's bloody 297 degrees Kelvin in here...

OK... where to go with this "banter"?

7 - Yneza - £100!
Noel: Wow. We're producing the exact opposite of Freeze's game yesterday(year)! We're getting rid of all the blues and keeping the reds intact. Keep this up, Stephen!

Stephen: Pressure... pressure... 24 please... Gombario.

Gombario: Good luck, Stephen.

24 - Gombario - £500! Wow.

Stephen: Wow. Not many blues left...
Noel: Stephen... you are a psychic. Admit it.
Stephen: No! I'm just lucky... a lucky ducky... tee hee.
Noel: Yeah. Next box please.

Stephen: I promise, I'm not a psychic. I'm sure Luke will agree with me... won't you? Open your box...!

10 - Luke - £2,500,000!
Stephen: See, told you I wasn't a psychic! I would have kept that box if I was.
Noel: Perhaps you're getting rid of some high-ish blues in order to make people think that you weren't. I know your agenda, Stephen.

*BANKER CALLS*
So what box do you think the £3,000 will be in, Stephen?
Stephen: I'm thinking it will be in box 9.
Hmm... interesting. Now for the offer.



Statistical Pilgrim - A decent offer at this stage of the game, about 25% of the mean.
Mark the Pilgrim - I'm hoping he doesn't take it and is brave... don't like the idea of him going at 19-box.
Charles the Pilgrim - What? A precarious board like that means that it isn't a bad deal at all. Seriously, some of you pilgrims amaze me.
Disgruntled Pilgrim - WELL IF HE TAKES THE OFFER THEN YOU'VE LOST YOURSELF A PILGRIM!

Stephen: Well... it is early days... and the board is really strong. I'm ready.

Noel: Stephen. £350,000... Deal... or No Deal?

Stephen: NO DEAL!

Round Three.

Stephen: We'll... go for... F.

F - GOOD LUCK, STEPHEN, I HOPE IT'S A BLUE.

Noel: I think I've just gotten deaf now...

2 - F - £50!
Stephen: God, we're running out of blues here! Sharkey, please.

Sharkey: All these blues are making me cold. Noel, you mind cranking up the thermostat on my tank?
Noel: By how much?
Sharkey: Up to... 30.7°C.
Noel: This tank only goes up in 0.5°C's...
Sharkey: Oh fine... 30.5°C then. God.
Hawley: I know how you feel, Sharkey....

27 - Sharkey - £100,000!
Stephen: That's fine, actually! Thanks, Sharkey.
Sharkey: No probs.

Stephen: Dewey. You have the £3,000. So, let's get rid of another blue.

9 - Dewey - 48-Pack Fosters
Stephen: See? Told you I wasn't a psychic.
Noel: Well, I guess you've convinced me... NOT.

Stephen: Nick. Open box 28.
Nick: Yes, SIR.

Nick - 28 - £9,001! It's over NINE THOOUUSSAAND (Sorry for the lame meme... blame KP for this one )

Stephen: Wow... what a board.

*BANKER CALLS*

Yes. Quite <_< Don't gloat now, since it's going all to pieces next round. Here's a lifeline for ya though, since I truly am one of the nicest guys you'll meet.



Stephen: Wow... that is a pretty huge offer.

Mark Pilgrim: I hope he doesn't take this... every player should be an OHO player in my opinion.
Charles Pilgrim: What? OHTD players who can actually read the board are better. If he takes this deal I'll have a lot of respect for this duck.

Noel: Need some advice?
Stephen: Yeah...!
Ainsi: Stephen, if it was me sitting in that crazy chair... I would go on. Still got plenty of backup.
Lemono: I'm with Ainsi... but play it the way you want. It's your game after all.
Mutya: DEAL DEAL DEAL! But you should have dealt at the first offer

Stephen: Thanks, westwingers and eastwingers. I've reached a decision now. Ready... aim... ask.

Noel: £640,000... DEAL... OR NO DEAL?

Stephen: NO DEAL!

Wow... this is tiring. Will continue tomorrow.

Round Four.

Stephen: Let's make this a quick round. My first box will be... Sonic please!

Sonic: Good luck, Stephen. Hope it's a blue! Or a low red... because there aren't many blue reds.
Stephen: Make it a blue. I'd prefer it!

1 - Sonic - Mechanics for Dummies

Stephen: It's PINK, Sonic! PINK!
Sonic: Yep, delighted to be of service.

Stephen: Joel! A blue please!

Joel: Hmm... hey Stephen. Hopefully it's a blue.
20 - Joel - £5,000,000!

Noel: Our first hit... half of the top prize.
Stephen: Let's not worry about it for now! Let's get some more blues! Jim, please!

12 - Jim - £75,000!
Jim: Well done Stephen!
Noel: We may have our first quarter millionaire!
Stephen: Don't jinx it, Noel. 5. Lemono. Open it please!

5 - Lemono - £1!

Stephen: AMAZING! COME ON!

*BANKER CALLS*
WHAT? WHY HASN'T THIS FOOL GOTTEN RID OF THE TOP TWO YET? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
Noel: Well he did take the £5,000,000...
I suppose that makes me feel slightly better... *sigh*. Don't think I'm going up to 7-figures, ducky...



Stephen: Oh rats... what a stingy fellow. Come on... that board is worth at least £1,000,000!
Noel: Stephen... I wouldn't really anger the banker at this point, Stephen. Come on...

Statistician Pilgrim: Well, the fair deal is £934,606, so it's good to get an offer above the fair deal.
Mark Pilgrim: Well, I hope he is brave and goes on to the end. We need OHO players immediately!
Charles Pilgrim: What! We had an OHO player yesterday and he won just £100! Don't be an insolent fool! The offer is fantastic for the board and I can only pray he takes it.
Disgruntled Pilgrim: URGH! HURRY UP AND MAKE A DECISION! THE BANKER CALLS TOO MUCH, KNOCK IT OFF BANKER! PEOPLE DITHER TOO MUCH ON A STUPID OFFER! NOEL'S TALK ON CARS IS SERIOUSLY BORING ME! HE'S A BAD PRESENTER!

Noel: Well, Mr. Angry... why don't you present the next round for us?

Disgruntled Pilgrim: I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DOWN!

Stephen: Well... I need some advice...

5 minutes later

Stephen: That's enough. Let's ask the question Noel.

Noel: £950,000... Deal or No Deal!

Stephen: I'll regret this... but No Deal!

Round 5.

Disgruntled Pilgrim: WELL, I'M JUST GOING TO LET YOU PICK THE BOXES BECAUSE ALL YOU JERKS TAKE TOO LONG. JUST GIVE ME THE THREE BOXES YOU PICK AND WE'LL JUST OPEN THEM BECAUSE IT'S MORE ENTERTAINING

Methanol: At last, a decent presenter!

Stephen: Uh... OK. 11, 25, 4 then...

Sylvester: Well, Stephen, this will be a better box opening than that jerk Novak's!
Novak: Hmph. Dweeb...

Disgruntled Pilgrim: NO BANTER!

Producer: We're going to go for an ad-break. Full of confused.com adverts.

Disgruntled Pilgrim: OH MAN NO!!!! WE DIDN'T EVEN OPEN A STUPID BOX YET! I HATE THIS STUPID STUPID PIECE OF CRAP SHOW! I HATE EVERYBODY!

Disgruntled Pilgrim: OK WE'RE BACK JUST OPEN THE DAMN BOXES AND WIN SOMETHING.

Sylvetser: Uh... Good luck?

Disgruntled Pilgrim: OH HURRY THE HELL UP AND OPEN IT YOU STUPID CONTESTANT!

Sylvester: Uh...

11 - Sylvester - £1,000,000!

Novak: Ha! How's that for a box opening! £1,000,000! Come on! That's awful and you know it, Sylvester!
Sinta: Uh, Novak? You weren't much better yourself. You revealed the £500,000, so don't get arrogant.

Disgruntled Pilgrim: OH SHUT UP YOU STUPID CATS AND OPEN THE STUPID BOXES

...

...

Porcupe: *ahem*... was that me who was... supposed to open the box...?

Disgruntled Pilgrim: OF COURSE YOU STUPID IDIOT! NOW OPEN IT! BECAUSE THERE'S GOING TO BE A STUPID AD BREAK SOON AND I CAN'T WATCH THAT CONFUSED.COM AD ANY LONGER! GOD, SCREW THIS STUPID SHOW!

25 - Porcupe - £250,000!

Stephen: Thanks, Porc...

4 - Crocobot - £20!

Stephen: That was pretty quick... I didn't get to finish what I said. Thanks Crocobot.

Crocobot: I'm reluctant to say anything, becau...

Disgruntled Pilgrim: SHUT UP!

*BANKER CALLS*
Well, Mr. Stephen... that was a roller coaster of a round, eh? Well, let's make this offer quick then. £1,100,000 it is!

Disgruntled Pilgrim: WELL YOUR OFFER IS...

*BANKER CALLS*
Nope... make that £1,200,000.

Disgruntled Pilgrim: URGH! KNOCK IT OFF BANKER! WELL IT'S NOW ONE MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOU...

*BANKER CALLS*
Hmm... I'm taking a shining to Stephen. Let's add another £100,000.

Disgruntled Pilgrim: AAAARGH! MAKE UP YOUR MIND BANKER AND STOP RECALLING YOU STUPID...

*BANKER CALLS*
Hmm... That look in Stephen's eye... better make that £1,400,000.

Disgruntled Pilgrim: DAMN YOU BANKER! AND DAMN YOUR EYES, STUPID CONTESTANT!

*BANKER CALLS*
Wow... £1,500,000 seems a more round number. Better make it that instead.

Disgruntled Pilgrim: ...

*BANKER CALLS*

Disgruntled PIlgrim: I'M NOT ANSWERING. LALALALALALALALALALALA

Producer: It's stated here that you must answer the phone. Better do it or a chunk goes out of Noel's salary...

Noel: Oh God no...

Disgruntled Pilgrim: I'M STILL NOT GOING TO ANSWER IT!

Stephen: Well I'd better answer it...

Well, for being a decent guy who answers the phone when it rings, even if it is an 0845 number, this will be your offer. Well Done, Stephen.



Disgruntled Pilgrim: YOU HAVE 13 SECONDS TO MAKE A DECISION OTHERWISE I'M GOING TO EXPLODE. GOT THAT?

Stephen: Well, OK...

Disgruntled Pilgrim: 7 SECONDS

Stephen: It is a lot of money... it will cover my finances, and I can get hammered many more times... actually no, I don't drink.

Disgruntled Pilgrim: 2 SECONDS

Stephen: I'm ready...

Disgruntled Pilgrim: WHATEVER THE STUPID OFFER WAS... DEAL OR NO DEAL?

Stephen: DEAL!

The deal music plays. All the contestants cheer.

Charles Pilgrim: Brilliantly played, Stephen!
Mark Pilgrim: Oh, man! I wanted yet another OHO game! He should've been more brave...
Statistician Pilgrim: Well, the offer is just under 70% of the mean, so, in my honest opinion, it was a pretty solid deal. Hopefully he'll get a well deserved spanking.

Disgruntled Pilgrim: SHUT UP!

Proveout Round 6.

Noel: Well. Sorry about more of the sinful confused.com adverts. We're back, and what a last round that was. And don't worry, the disgruntled pilgrim will not be presenting another round again.

Methanol: What? That presenter was a breath of fresh air and just what we needed to keep this show fresh after over 2000 35 episodes! And he speaks his mind too. You people are all in bad taste.

Noel: Well, I'll speak my mind too, Methanol. Raise your hand, pilgrims and players, if you care what this guy says.

*no one raises their hand, even the Disgruntled Pilgrim*

Noel: *ahem*. So, Stephen here was ushered into dealing £1,650,000 like a Fiat Multipla on a car wash at a BP station. That car is seriously something ugly... I mean there's no car uglier than a multipla...

Disgruntled Pilgrim: OH GET ON WITH IT!

Stephen: Well.. my first box would've been Hawley.

Noel: OK, Hawley. NOELSFAN or £10,000,000 will just be great... I mean... the top two prizes in the first two boxes... wouldn't that feel just brilliant?

Hawley: Good luck Stephen, hope this is the one that you want...

26 - Hawley - £5!
Noel: Stephen...
Stephen: Yes, Noel... that would've been the perfect start. Don't rub it in... pleaase.

Mark Pilgrim: Oh dear, oh dear... should've been more brave...
Noel: What? We haven't even finished the round yet! Stephen... prove him wrong!

Stephen: Come on, Limez... let's have it in here son.
Limez: Did I just hear "Limes"? Did you just grossly mispronounce my name? Curse on you!

6 - Limez - £750,000!

Noel: That would've been good enough... but now we need to find one of the top two! Stephen... please... we all want you to spank that banker...

Stephen: Methanol... this would be perfect if you had the £10,000,000 in there...

19 - Methanol - £3,000!
Noel: NO NO NO!
Methanol: Hehehe...

Stephen: Drat... what have I done...

Mark Pilgrim: See? Told you he should've been more brave... told you... told you...
Charles Pilgrim: Oh, shut up. No one likes a gloater. And anyway that was a perfectly reasonable deal.

*BANKER CALLS*
As angry as the Disgruntled Pilgrim is... better put him on my Christmas list. By hurrying Stephen, he has saved me quite a lot. ∫



Noel: Well Stephen... this might be the highest offer... so let's see how this pans out.

Proveout Round 7.

Noel: Stephen...?

Stephen: Yeah?

Noel: Wreck this game. And fast.

Stephen: Mutya, please.

Mutya: Good luck, Steve...

21 - Mutya - £10,000,000!! YES!

Stephen: Thank you so much, Mutya!
Noel: Yes... a round too late... but better late than in you box. HOWEVER, we still have one more dragon to slay.

Stephen: I declare the dragon to be... in your box, my lovely neighbour Olga.

Olga: I hope this is the NOELSFAN for my favourite neighbour.

Coco Pops: Hey!

Olga: I prefer Rice Krispies.

14 - Olga - Daniel123's Multiplier!
Noel: Eep. We have to have it in this box. We've just got to. Come on Stephen...

Stephen: Ainsi, please...

Ainsi: Good luck...

17 - Ainsi - NOELSFAN!!

The Deal music plays. Everyone cheers.

Stephen: COME ON!
Noel: The perfect round!

*BANKER CALLS*
Rakkafrakkacrakkatrakkabrakkamrakka...


Noel: Well... it wasn't a Banker Spankering... but you beat him... I believe the correct term is TPW... but what was in your box?























£5,000!

Stephen: Whew... that was tiring...

Noel: Sinta... would you please complete the game?

Sinta: Sure thing... Very well played, Stephen.

23 - Sinta - £250

Stephen: Well... this has been an experience and a half. All of you have been so supportive... and we'll stay in contact. With the £1,650,000... I plan to pay my tuition fees, maintenance fees... and watch out in 20 years... because I'll be a damn good engineer.

Mark Pilgrim: Very well played? He could have had £1,100,000 more!
Charles: Well... he won 330 times as much as you would have. So there.

Mutya: And he won 8 times as much as I would've done!
Hawley: 8.25 times as much, actually. Good grief...

Join us again for another episode of Deal or No Deal.

Bai

This is one of the funniest things I've seen on the forum ever. I laughed like a drain.

Haha...I'm unfamiliar with the format but I like it, a lot.

For dialogue, I'm not sure many come close. Really, really good. Top drawer, even.

Oh, and nice touch there with "Daniel123's Multiplier". I like that...that said, I like anything with daniel123 in

Great job overall Skyline. One of the best series I've seen, definitely.